As a loyal reader of Hockey Graphs you may be aware that today marks the start of the 2015-16 NHL season. This is an uncertain time in many hockey fans’ lives, and you probably have questions: Will my favourite team make the playoffs? Who is going to win the Stanley Cup? Are the Leafs really going to be that bad again?

As standings-list-compiler-in-chief of Hockey Graphs (we almost went with Listicleditor in Chief but thought it was too wordy), my job is to answer those questions for you. I have made the process of knowing who is going to make the playoffs, win their division, and play for the cup easy! So easy in fact, that even a Habs fan could get it (the process, not the Cup, they’re definitely not going to win the Cup). Simply consult the sharply presented table below and you (probably) won’t even need to watch the games! Isn’t that simpler and more fulfilling?

At the top of the pack are the defending Stanley Cup Finalists, the Tampa Bay Lightning. Lead by future Maple Leaf Steven Stamkos, and tall puck blocking person Ben Bishop, the Lightning not so narrowly edged out Pittsburgh and Washington as the most popular pick to take home Lord Stanley’s mug next spring. LA, Chicago, Nashville, and Winnipeg (that was Garret, so you can probably ignore it) also received votes, although the extreme difficulty in predicting the only good division in the game the Central Division spread the picks out more in the west. No love was received by Arizona, Colorado, Buffalo, New Jersey, Toronto, or perhaps most surprisingly, Vancouver, all of whom received 0 votes to make the playoffs. It’s not that we don’t think they’re good hockey teams, it’s just that they’re probably not good NHL teams. Maybe if they played in the SHL?

Perhaps, however, you don’t trust the wisdom of the group. Maybe crowds make you nervous or maybe you have a crippling fear of aggregation. Maybe you think, that Matt Cane, standings-list-compiler-in-chief of Hockey Graphs, he’s a smart fellow, I wonder who he thinks will win the cup this year. Or maybe you’re just the type of person who likes to yell at people on the Internet. In any case, do I have a list for you! Fourteen (yes, 14!) Hockey Graphs authors, their names conveniently hyperlinked to their accounts on the Twitter, and their picks for conference champions and the Cup! Now the process of heckling the intelligence of your favourite HG author is easier than ever before thanks to me (be sure to tell them I sent you).

But we’re not done there! Maybe you’re a details person. Perhaps you need to know whether everyone really thinks Colorado will finish last in the Central (spoiler alert, they’re going to). Or maybe you want to double check my math (but really, why wouldn’t you trust a man with a title of standings-list-compiler-in-chief of Hockey Graphs). Each Portable Network Graphics file below (or PNG, as they’re referred to in common parlance) lists off each author’s predicted order of finish by division, with Wild Card clubs conveniently highlighted in italics. Best of all, each list is absolutely, 100% guaranteed to be correct*!

Atlantic

Metropolitan

Central

Pacific

Thank you for your continued patronage of Hockey Graphs. Please direct any questions or concerns about these predictions to Matt Cane.

*Guarantee not valid where prohibited by law or the laws of physics.